This week I would like to shed the light of my glory upon the day time talk show Steve Wilkos.
Steve Wilkos, I am inspired by your rise to fame! You started as a lowly police officer, dealing with naked crazies running around the streets of Where Ever Land. You then got a position under Jerry Springer......er...as a security guard, of course, dealing with naked crazies running around a stage.
Now, here you are, with your very own show! It is truly genius, for who else but the great and wonderful Steve Wilkos could be qualified to council child molesters? Granted the inspirational shouting and heroic rants don't particularly pull up my heartstrings, but who cannot appreciate your final words? Oh sure, Jerry Springer concocts a sonnet to his guests that solves their problems in less than 50 words, but you're much too creative. No, you are glorious enough to let the viewers speak, and like a true leader, if their opinions contradict your own you valiantly shoot them down and call them names! "You're not allowed to watch my show anymore!" you say, as your head shines like the light of the north star guiding us towards enlightenment.
Again, thank you Steve Wilkos, and may your cranium shine on forever.
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