THE BEGINNING…. Of the beginning.
By: Melissa The Great

In the beginning, before words… before Starbucks, iPods and Beef Jerky… there was a chicken.



Her name was Ms. Henrietta Big.

One day a fly named Gabe, came before her and told her that she was carrying inside her the coming of a divine being. She was with egg.

“Cluck?” She exclaimed.

“Yes, it’s true.” Gabe replied. “Soon you will hatch the future under your bottom.”

As the day drew near Ms. Big became very nervous and started to feel funny. Finally, as she began to lay her egg she suddenly… exploded. The explosion was so great everything around her simultaneously expanded. Feathers and crap flew everywhere, and in its wake, was an egg.


It was the most amazing egg ever.


Gabe, the Fly, knew he had to hatch it himself, as Eggie-Poo’s mother was now a conflagration of chicken poop and down feathers.

“Eggs need warmth.” Gabe concluded, and so, being too small to provide the great egg with sufficient heat, he created a large glowing ball of fire to keep it warm. This was called the Sun.

Well as the egg sat in front of the flaming ball it began to melt. Gabe started to panic.

“What shall I do!?!?!”

However, as Gabe began buzzing around and getting really annoying , the egg continued to melt until the wondrous ooze inside seeped out of its cracks.

Mmmm… so delicious--uh, so anyway Gabe barely noticed but from the ooze arose a grand, fabulous, ravishing…

Ian McKellen

I know what you’re thinking, Ian McKellen? But why? Well you see, if you rearrange Ian McKellen, and disregard a few of the letters and then add some, it clearly spells “Almighty.”

Ian McKellen = Almighty

For story-telling purposes, however, we’ll just refer to the Almighty as God.

And so Gabe the Fly set out to teach God how to be an all-powerful ruler. There were a few rules God had to learn first:
1. Be merciful.
2. Be just.
3. Do not disrupt free will.
4. Create something great.

It was easy for God to be merciful and just. The free will thing was simple enough, but the last rule really baffled God. What could an all-powerful ruler endeavor to create that would be fitting for a divine being?


God pondered.


And pondered.


And pondered.

Finally, God had the perfect idea, and he began working. Like a natural he created the earth and oceans, trees and flowers. He even created creatures that looked a lot like him. He called them humans. Humans looked like this:

The humans that God made were perhaps the most interesting of all his works. They created things themselves, like art, music and literature. He was delighted by his creations.

But you might be wondering why, why create the Earth and people?

The answer to this is: to make The One Divine Creation, The Ultimate Work of Brilliance: